Subconscious Suicide

Every now & then I wonder how I am still alive today.

I spent many a night hanging out in the middle of the desert with groups of people whose real names were a mystery to me but their street names were legit enough.  Meeting new faces in new places night after night. The faces continuously changed but the habits remained the same for years.

Drinking &                 smoking &                                          snorting 

                                                   – but never injecting – 

All the best & worst in life. I had no direction in my life & I could care less. I was attempting a subconscious suicide at every waking moment. 

And surviving day 

                                       after 

                                                        day.

But oh how the times have changed! Now I’ve got goals & dreams & hopes & optimistic thoughts & I swear – if after all of the shit I’ve put myself & my body through – I end up dying in some random,  boring, non-self-inflicted way?

I’m going to be so fucking pissed.

 

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