Stretched out to find
You’ve lost what was mine
All of my cherished love
Has vanished from the room
And you stand in front of me
Hoping I won’t break down
Everything I’ve ever known
Is forever in the ground
Have we met here before?
Do you remember my smile?
My eyes, my tears?
Do you remember them at all?
I don’t see how you don’t recognize this face.
I don’t understand how you could forget your own reflection.
Sore from all the time wasted
left to face this all alone
i never asked for your sympathy
never asked for your dreams
you look at me like i’m your failure
always taking credit for everything
that is your nature
this time the stench is too much for you to bear
worries may end nowhere slowly
leaving certain roads of sacred solitude
every cut obviously means goodbye
lying awake and sitting in bed
remembering the times ahead
forgive and forget all again
this is all a dream in your eyes
I don’t cry for my past
I don’t cry for my future
I cry because I am where you are not
When I wake up
I face the demons of the day
As best I can.
When I sleep
I face my own
And lose every time.
– or so I thought –
these streets, they know my name
Every now & then I wonder how I am still alive today.
I spent many a night hanging out in the middle of the desert with groups of people whose real names were a mystery to me but their street names were legit enough. Meeting new faces in new places night after night. The faces continuously changed but the habits remained the same for years.
Drinking & smoking & snorting
– but never injecting –
All the best & worst in life. I had no direction in my life & I could care less. I was attempting a subconscious suicide at every waking moment.
And surviving day
But oh how the times have changed! Now I’ve got goals & dreams & hopes & optimistic thoughts & I swear – if after all of the shit I’ve put myself & my body through – I end up dying in some random, boring, non-self-inflicted way?
I’m going to be so fucking pissed.